There is no magical formula or a timeline on how long one's grief 'should' last or when and how you 'should' be done with it. It is a process and it is individual. What may be good for some on how they handle it, may not work for others. What I am sharing is my experience and what is working for me so if something resonates with you then use it and if other things don't, leave them behind. There is no right or wrong way.
But this one thing is true for all - do not ignore your emotions around your loss! There are many who will ignore what they are really feeling and "get on with life ... just pull your Self up by the boot straps and get moving". For some this may work but what I have found is that it will eventually catch up with you if you do not handle your emotions about your loss. It can show up as depression, lack of motivation, focus or the will to live, eating disorders, addictions, illness, dis-ease, to name just a few.
Loss may also look different to many. Loss can be an actual death or a 'death' of a part of you or your way of 'be'-ing, an ending or shift in a relationship, losing your job, your children leaving the nest, moving, any change in your life in which your norm is dramatically shifted or affects how you feel about your Self or life.
When you can acknowledge your feelings and allow your Self to feel them then the healing process or you could even call it the recovery process begins.
Due to the work I do with people and my Self, I have been more present to how I feel during this loss of Sampson. I don't know that I have ever been more authentic with my Self. In the past I don't believe that I was as in touch with how I feel and the allowance of my feelings to come forth.
By healing past issues such as co-dependency (see the Co-Dependent chart on http://www.createyourdiamondlife.com/successtools.html to help you identify your traits) and wounds of the past, I am able to give my Self permission to just 'be' in whatever I am in. I thank God I have the healing tools and processes that I do to help me through my grief. They have given me the ability to still be productive, creative and energized to live life as fully as I can even throughout this difficult time.
There is still not a day that I don't cry but I allow for the expression of the grief and in that I am able to move forward. By doing so, I release that energy and then am able to tap into the appreciation and love that I have for Sampson being in my life. I did not realize how deeply I loved not only him but my Self. he is such a gift.
Here are 7 Tips to Help Heal Your Grief:
1. Give your Self permission to grieve authenically and completely.
2. Acknowledge and allow your feelings to come forth and express them to your Self and if you want to with others; choose wisely with whom you share and with those that you know will unconditionally accept where you are at and support you.
3. Be gentle with your Self - there are no 'shoulds' on how long your grief will last; be sure to allow for plenty of rest, eating properly, taking supplements (especially Vitamin D) and meditate and exercise to help you move through your grief physcially, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
4. Do not compare your feelings or process with how others feel or do it; if others try to push you through it, listen to your Self as to what you need and know there is no right or wrong way of doing it, there is only your way.
5. Focus upon the gift of what you had, not the loss of what you don't have any more in your life; feel the full appreciation and gratitude of gift so you can build upon it now and in the future and it will help you feel inspired and happy again.
6. If you have an addictive personality or addictive behaviors such as alcoholism, drugs, food, shopping, sex, drama ... be on heighten alert as to how they may come back into play; be sure to get assistance if you are falling into the patterns of using your addiction to fill the void(s) or avoid the pain.
7. Be open to addressing your feelings with an expert - hire a coach or practitioner to help you be aware of what you are going through and to assist in your healing process.
Please feel free to pass this on to any one you know that may be in need and if you have had experiences or tips that have worked for you, share with us!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Stuggle is an option!
I have had so many clients and friends including my Self that seem to be dealing with many challenges and changes in their lives during the past few months. Thus I was inspired to finally get my blog up so I could answer questions, share experiences and inspire my Self and others to live our lives fully and truly create our Diamond lives.
One of things that I know is that we co-create every thing and every one in our life. So if we are in the midst of change or challenge, do we struggle within it? Do we resist what we are co-creating and what the Universe is showing us that we are focusing upon - remember energy flows into what we put our attention to in thoughts, words, feelings, beliefs and actions. What we resist or think about what we don't want, will persist. So where can we allow ourselves to surrender into what we are to learn, experience, heal or grow from what is showing up in our lives? What is the more being given to us?
An Example:
On May 1st, I lost my beloved Sampson, a golden retriever I had for 13-1/2 years. I have no 2-legged children so he was one of my 4-legged children. The lost has been profound since I loved him and him, me, so deeply. The grief has been immense. There are days when I cannot lift my head. I feel his presence all around me but I cannot physically touch him. I have pictures and lochs of his fur I touch to somewhat satisfy my need to physically feel him.
For those of you that are not animal lovers, you may wonder how this is so? Think of it as losing your best buddy who has been there through thick and thin, who loved you when you felt it from no one else including your Self, who was always there whether you were grouchy or in joy, who celebrated with you when you succeeded and who stuck by and comforted you when you felt like a failure. That type of connection is so special and I am so grateful to have felt it.
I have not resisted the pain, the tears. I wonder though when will it stop and the old adeage of time heals all wounds does come into play. I find struggle when I compare it to others. How can I be in this much pain when there are others worse off than me. Then I remind my Self, each of us is here to experience life in our own way so one's pain may not be another's but either is theirs, yours. There is no better than or less than, it is what it is for each person.
I am grateful for the family and firends that support me. I am grateful for the tools I have to help heal it. I meditate daily to connect within, with love, with Source. I use the Universal 'L', The Diamond Co-Creative System (http://www.createyourdaimondlife.com/) to help heal and energize me so I can move forward easily. I affirm each day that all can be easy within the midst of pain, challenge and change.
Easy for me means with ease, grace, flow and love - living only vibrant energy. What connects me with this vibrant energy ... sometimes it in the memories of Sampson and the love that we shared versus focusing on the loss of him. I remember to appreciate him and all that we had together and he is teaching me to do that with all parts of my life.
I know that he wants me to live on and be the brillance of who I am and keep on co-creating a Diamond Life despite what goes on around me. I feel his nose nudging my arm or hand reminding me there is more to life than dwelling in the pain of loss.
Thank you Sampson for your love, for your joy, for your wisdom that shared with me while you were on the planet and that which you share with me in your spirit!
One of things that I know is that we co-create every thing and every one in our life. So if we are in the midst of change or challenge, do we struggle within it? Do we resist what we are co-creating and what the Universe is showing us that we are focusing upon - remember energy flows into what we put our attention to in thoughts, words, feelings, beliefs and actions. What we resist or think about what we don't want, will persist. So where can we allow ourselves to surrender into what we are to learn, experience, heal or grow from what is showing up in our lives? What is the more being given to us?
An Example:
On May 1st, I lost my beloved Sampson, a golden retriever I had for 13-1/2 years. I have no 2-legged children so he was one of my 4-legged children. The lost has been profound since I loved him and him, me, so deeply. The grief has been immense. There are days when I cannot lift my head. I feel his presence all around me but I cannot physically touch him. I have pictures and lochs of his fur I touch to somewhat satisfy my need to physically feel him.
For those of you that are not animal lovers, you may wonder how this is so? Think of it as losing your best buddy who has been there through thick and thin, who loved you when you felt it from no one else including your Self, who was always there whether you were grouchy or in joy, who celebrated with you when you succeeded and who stuck by and comforted you when you felt like a failure. That type of connection is so special and I am so grateful to have felt it.
I have not resisted the pain, the tears. I wonder though when will it stop and the old adeage of time heals all wounds does come into play. I find struggle when I compare it to others. How can I be in this much pain when there are others worse off than me. Then I remind my Self, each of us is here to experience life in our own way so one's pain may not be another's but either is theirs, yours. There is no better than or less than, it is what it is for each person.
I am grateful for the family and firends that support me. I am grateful for the tools I have to help heal it. I meditate daily to connect within, with love, with Source. I use the Universal 'L', The Diamond Co-Creative System (http://www.createyourdaimondlife.com/) to help heal and energize me so I can move forward easily. I affirm each day that all can be easy within the midst of pain, challenge and change.
Easy for me means with ease, grace, flow and love - living only vibrant energy. What connects me with this vibrant energy ... sometimes it in the memories of Sampson and the love that we shared versus focusing on the loss of him. I remember to appreciate him and all that we had together and he is teaching me to do that with all parts of my life.
I know that he wants me to live on and be the brillance of who I am and keep on co-creating a Diamond Life despite what goes on around me. I feel his nose nudging my arm or hand reminding me there is more to life than dwelling in the pain of loss.
Thank you Sampson for your love, for your joy, for your wisdom that shared with me while you were on the planet and that which you share with me in your spirit!
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